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General
Guidelines For The Art
1.
DEPTH Dialogue is
couched in/as the natural deepening of ordinary, everyday conversation.
It is not a technique or a
method. It is a very specifically focused dialogue type of conversation
. This
specifically focused deepening
of ordinary conversation is the ART of DEPTH Dialogue. DEPTH Dialogue
as an art is what it needs to
be in order to really work.
2. The
questions that DEPTH Dialogue employs are merely techniques for
inviting a person's attention
into a particular area or into a
particular direction. For any question, at any point, we can substitute
any non-obtrusive,
open-ended way of inviting attention on an experience or aspect of
experience.
These other ways could be
such as a story, an anecdote, or maybe just a statement, a suggestion
of a possibility, or a
description that evokes a new focus of attention or relates to it in
some way. There are many
other possibilities. As in normal conversation, it is all just a flow
of sharing.
3. The manual of DEPTH
Dialogue presents sequences of questions for each of the basic elements
of the practice. Not every question in
every sequence needs to be asked. The sequences merely chunk down the
process into the smallest
components that would/could usually ever be needed. The purpose of the
sequences is
to aid in the opening up and spreading out of the focus experience. You
have to
use your intuition and experience to determine how much detail is
needed in that
process.
4. The whole process, and
the branching component processes, are all endless loops. You can start
the deepening of the
session anywhere in the process sequence, and then go on from there -
and this is
probably most often the way to do it, since you will thereby be
entering the flow of
the person's experiencing in a natural way however it happens in your
conversation,
and not according to technique or rules.
5. For any question where
there is no response or no feeling, simply then ask, "What might or
could it be?" and then explore from there.
Specific Points
There
are a few specific guidelines that help turn the practice of DEPTH
Dialogue from technique into art. These are not rules but
suggestions based on experience. There are not many but they are very
important.
1.
The main focus of attention is
always the Life-in-you.
The
main focus is not the mind,
not your experiences, not the story you
are telling, not the practice, not the questions and not looking for
answers. All these things are just adjuncts to the main action, which
always takes place in your bodily felt-experiencing of Life in
you.
The
main dialogue is the one
that takes place between all the factors
mentioned above and the Life in you. They ask, the Life in you
gives the answers. That Life is the Natural Higher Intelligence in
you. Always keep this as your main focus, and keep coming back to
it.
We
make sure that we do keep
coming back to it in the practice., by use
of
the Speaking Truth Questions. These are the
most important questions in the practice.
2.
Give only the utmost loving
attention.
DEPTH
Dialogue is a process
of loving attention, not
confrontation as former views of this have seen it. It is of the
greatest importance that the whole process, the Life-in-you and the
partner in dialogue (or yourself, if you are doing it alone) be given
only love and respect. The way to do this most effectively is to place
your complete attention on what the other person is experiencing from
the Life-in-them. This is a sort of act of devotion - to the
process, to Life, to yourself, and to the deepest truth in the other
person.
3.
Focus on your own private way
of experiencing, not on the outer world.
We
dialogue through the
exploration of your experiences. Notice that
there is a distinction between our naive everyday commonplace
experiences of the outer world and other people, and the way that we
represent our experiences to ourselves.
For
instance, my dog comes
running through the door from outside. My
commonplace experience is this: an animal that I identify as my dog
comes rapidly through a hole in the wall I call door. Objective
description, just an event, an occurance. We could add details, but you
get the picture.
However,
what's happening in me
is that I'm getting excited, all warm
and fuzzy inside, because she's wagging her tail, so happy to see me (I
think), and she is so animated that it gets me going too. I want to get
up from reading my paper and go outside and run and jump, throw a ball,
play fetch, etc. etc. etc. My private world, what's happening in me. We
usually just move with this stuff unconsciously, not really noticing
it. But here, this is what we give our attention to, not the
objective occurance.
4.
Put you attention only on
experiences that have low or neutral emotional charge.
This
is not psychotherapy. We
are not trying to work stuff out. What
we are doing is developing a wholly new, transcendent mode of
functioning throughout our whole being. Heavy emotional charge does
not contribute to this learning. In fact, progress is made much more
easily and quickly with low and neutral experiences. You will find that
your
capacity to encompass a much broader range of emotions and intensities
happens naturally as you move along in the practice, just by the
expansion of your being. A bigger vessel holds more volume. You are
becoming a bigger vessel.
If
you are exploring an
experience and it becomes very intense or
overwhelming, the best thing to do is stop, divert your attention to
something else, and either go on exploring with that other focus, or
just go do something else for awhile.
Also,
there
are a few
physical things you can do to lessen intense
feelings and sensations. One is to rub your hands together
vigorously for a few minutes. The other is to do physical exercise. Of
course, you can just let yourself go and get the emotion out if you
want to. There is nothing wrong with catharting or expressing. Just
don't make it the focus of your dialoguing.
5.
In
your questioning, don't ever
seek conclusions.
This
may seem odd to say because
we usually think of questions as
calling for answers, and we have been conditioned to try and solve
problems. DEPTH Dialogue does not seek answers or try to solve
problems. The questions and the experiences we put our attention on are
merely means for focusing into the Life in us, where all the real
action is.
It
is like getting a massage.
We're there on the table for relaxation
and pleasure. If our masseur is focusing on anatomy and physiology, on
his hands and on doing the right moves, it will not feel right.
Dialogue is like that. We are not trying to set bones. We are
letting ourselves relax, spread out and open up.
6.
Let the flow of experiencing
from the Life-in-you take you wherever it goes.
The
dialogue process has no goal
in mind. There is nowhere to get to. What
will happen is discovery of new and exciting revelations from within,
but only if you let it happen. The way to let it happen is to let the
Life-in-you show the way by always having that as your main focus and
checking all answers back with it before going on.
7.
Don't try to fix, improve,
"heal" or even change anything.
The
dialoguing process
isn't about changing things.
This would be just moving the furniture around within your prison cell.
You might fashion a more pleasant experience that way but you'll still
be in prison. We want to really get out of our self-created prisons of
illusion. The only way to do that is to move to an entirely new and
different way of functioning. This is what you do in the
self-exploration of DEPTH Dialogue.
This
is another reason why the
dialogue process may seem to be not
getting anywhere, just going around in circles at times. The whole
idea of getting somewhere is part of the old story-world that keeps you
in the prison of illusions. Freedom is not a change within the
existing framework but an entirely new way of existing.
In
any case, even if you succeed
in re-arranging the furniture in order
to have a more pleasant experience, it is virtually impossible to
re-arrange the most basic components of the conventional
self/world system. The reason for this is that it is basically a linear
logic system (albeit irrational and unconscious), and all linear logic
systems need foundational assumptions in order to function at all. The
conventional self/world system that we have learned to live by cannot
function without its basic assumptions of a fundamental world-view and
basic self-images that we role-play within our world-view stories.
If you try to fiddle with these basic assumptions you will meet
tremendous resistance and will either fail or create a mental or
physical breakdown, or worse, insanity or death. Because of this, true
deep fundamental change is virtually impossible.
The
only way
to freedom is
to make a leap out of the
closed-loop system, not to try and change anything at all within
that system. This is what DEPTH Dialogue does. No changing - not
even changing beliefs or assumptions (just won't work!) - but learning
a wholly new way of functioning.
8.
Don't ever ask leading questions.
Leading
questions are where
you know the answer and are looking to
guide the other person (or yourself) in that direction. Deep
Dialogue is where you don't know the answers and are not really looking
for answers anyway. It is exploration, not courtroom.
The
whole dialogue practice is
really just a big run-around, leading
you
out of habits of problem-solving and goal-tending. We are engaging in
ever-deepening
creative play with the whole range of your experiencing. What you
will find, without looking, are revelations beyond what you could even
dream of, and new and innovative ways of doing things that go way
beyond what any form of problem-solving can achieve.
9.
Don't ever ask "why" questions.
"Why"
questions lead attention
away from your bodily felt-experiencing
of the Life in you, into thinking, ruminating, looking for answers, and
problem-solving. They get you quickly and inevitably "into your head."
"How"
and
"what" questions
will take you in the opposite
direction. If you are tempted to ask a "why" question, ask one of
these instead. More specific instructions on what questions to ask are
given elsewhere.
10.
Wide awake, eyes open, speak
out loud.
This
is not a meditative
process, it is engaged passionate relationship
(deep dialogue.) It is important to be expressing, living,
enacting, embodying this process as you are doing it, not some time in
the future. In DEPTH Dialogue you are living the new deep
creative life right now while doing it. Doing it is your entry into
that new life.
This
is why it is very difficult
to do this solo. Me, myself and I
might seem to be alot of folks but there is really no-one in that group
that you can look at, speak to, feel an interchange with. Another
person there dialoguing with you draws you out - draws out the
depth of you that is beyond you.
Reach
deep
and bring it out.
Staying engaged in
dialogue with another keeps you bringing it out even as you are
exploring the depths of your being. It is a kind of birthing, this
bringing forth from the depths. Wide awake, eyes open, speaking out
puts the focus on this bringing out. It will engage the deepest,
fullest, most dynamic creative manifestation process that there is. But
it is not something you can know, only something you can live.
And,
speaking
out loud is
one of the most important guidelines.
Fully integrated speaking engages the whole deep creation process of
the natural intelligence as well as all parts of who you are from
the depths to the outward appearances. As you engage in the dialogue
process by speaking out loud you are integrating all aspects of
your being into and through your speaking. This has a profound
transformational effect on your whole physiology as well as your whole
consciousness. Scriptures say that the word creates worlds.
They are right. But it is the spoken word!
11.
If it isn't fun and
pleasurable, don't do it!!
This
goes for the whole damn
thing, from start to finish, and every
part of it.
How
do you
do this?
By
always
focusing only on
what turns you on or gives you pleasure!
See Focus,
especially the section at the
beginning about Eros (erotic sensual love.) And by always coming
back to these if and when you stray from them. If you get somber,
serious or hurting, come back to your focus on what turns you on or
gives you pleasure, and keep on exploring that. This is what will take
you where you want to go - always!
Desire
is
good! Pleasure is
good! They are the
deep forces that will bring you to higher levels of functioning where
you will feel the greater freedom and heart-felt fulfillment you deeply
long for.
To continue, return
to From
Technique To Art.
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