"Ladder of Love" is a term from Plato's Dialogue called The Symposium. It refers to guidelines for the main focus of DEPTH Dialogue at advanced stages. These guidelines are presented below, in a form that is more adapted to the present day.



DEPTH Dialogue is primarily a deep exploration of love!! And what Socrates and Plato mean by love is  eros - full-feeling, juicy, sensual erotic bodily attraction. It is what you fully, bodily, feel that you love, like, care about, feel attracted to, are pulled by, want, desire, lust for, long for. What you find alluring, appealing, attractive, beautiful.  It is what turns you on, gets your juices flowing, gives you pleasure, fun, joy, excitement.

The "ladder of love" is really the "ladder of your desires!"


The following is a hierarchical list similar to Plato's "ladder of love," adapted for the present time. Each is a very broad category of experience, with some examples following of what might be included. From the category you choose some experience that gives you pleasure or turns you on in some way - what you love. It must be something you feel in your body and emotions.

This could be anything within the category, from any time (past, present, future) or any place, whether real, here-and-now, remembered or completely imaginary. The only requirement is that the experience you choose be from the broad category and that it be a subjective experience of something you sensually, bodily find appealing or attractive, or that gives you pleasure.  (Note: You can focus on an objective experience of the world "out there" if you want to, just make it your subjective experience of that, i.e. how you experience it to yourself personally and privately.) Always pick something like this to put your attention on in all the following categories.

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The Categories (in ascending order);

1. Your Body

2. Other Bodies

3. Your Surroundings

4. Actions (yours, others', and events)

5. Relationships

6. Feelings/Emotions

7. Your Values

8. Your Ideals

9. "Peak Experiences"

10. Transcendental Qualities

Notice that the hierarchy has to to with going from the most concrete experiences (your body) to more and more abstract and/or subtle aspects of experience, all the way up to the sublime (whatever that might be for you.)

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Examples in the Categories:

1. Your Body

The subjective experience of your body could include such things as your body image, your self-image (as a body in the mirror, for instance), how you feel (health-wise),  what you like to eat or find disgusting, food, drink, appetites, clothing, adornments,  your experience of any of your senses (as senses, not as the experiences that come from them, which would be somewhere up the ladder), pains, health problems, pleasures, pleasurable experiences of touch, taste, smell, etc. etc., sex, desires, arousal, stimulation, feelings of comfort or discomfort, sickness feelings, exhiliration feelings, kinesthetic sensations from any activity like riding, walking, running, etc. or direct bodily sensations.

2. Other Bodies

This could be the bodies of other people, animals or things. Could include everything described about your body (above) as you experience it or imagine it in another person or animal. It could also include your subjective feelings for or against other bodies, like sexual desire, attraction, repulsion, disgust, fear, etc. etc. as they are associated in your mind with other bodies. Could be the experience or imagination of the impact of other bodies on your body, such as being hit by a car, being pelted by rain, etc.

3. Your Surroundings

Could be your home, workplace, the town where you live, your world, the universe, anywhere. It is wherever you find yourself, whether real or imaginary, whether past, present or future. Could be any aspect of any of those surroundings, or any way in which it effects you. Could be such things as the weather or the climate, or even the emotional or intellectual climate (but keep the actual emotions, values, ideals, etc. for a focus further up the ladder.) Also could be your own "personal space," other peoples' "spaces,"  your favorite places and scenes, places you don't like, vacation or travel spots, etc.

4. Actions (yours, others', and events)

This means anything you or someone else does, or anything that happens. It could be your work, your creativity, your excercise, what you've done in your life, or any of these for other people. It could be anything that has happened to you or to someone else, and it could be an event you just made up or imagined. We're focusing on action, activity, motion and movement here. Could be activities you most like to do, or don't like to do, play, movement, excercise, sports, entertainment, hobbies, diversions, your occupation, your pre-occupations, obsessions, compulsions, goof-offs, fun things you do (or would like to do), responsibilities, the best thing that ever happened to you, the worst thing that ever happened to you, what you would like to have happen or not want to happen, etc., etc.

5. Relationships

This means your relationships with other people, animals and other conscious entities (if you believe in that.) It does not include relationships with things, which comes under the category of "surroundings." Can be any degree of closeness and any kind of relationship. Even a non-relationship is a relationship if it comes to mind (for instance, the mother you put out of your life and haven't talked to in 20 years, or God who you don't believe exists.) There's alot of nice juicy feelings in some of these, but save the actual feelings for the next category. What we're focusing on here is the interaction itself , not its effects. And remember to focus on your subjective experience of the relationship, not on the supposed "reality" of it all. Could include family, spouse, children, relatives, parents, friends, lovers, enemies, people you like or love or admire, etc., people you dislike, hate, shun, etc., co-workers, boss, employees, competitors, team-mates, partners, creative collaborators, dream dates, girl of your dreams, prince charming, pets, the boogey man, angels, devils, trolls, vampires, sprites, ghosts, etc., etc.

6. Feelings/Emotions

The actual bodily, emotional and mental reactions you have that are charged with feelings. These can be any feelings. The list of emotions and the nuances of feelings are endless. You can see how this level is more abstract than previous ones when you consider that we are focusing only on the actual feelings themselves - quite an abstract and subtle experience - and not on the events that took place, the things that caused you to feel that way, or the people who ticked you off that time. Just the pure raw feelings. For instance, what is your pure experience of anger. Just how does it feel, not what happened to cause it, what you are angry about, etc. etc.

7. Values

This is what you care about or find important to you in your life and/or in the world. Includes your aspirations, what you want out of life, what you feel about justice/injustice, politics, morality, right and wrong, should and shouldn't, etc. etc. Also includes what other people have told you to believe about such things. Can also be you true heart's desires or what most turns you off in the world as you see it. Your beliefs, your worldview, your religion, your affiliations (clubs, organizations, etc. and why you belong.) Could include you hopes, dreams, goals, purposes, intentions, beliefs, creeds, mission in life (or in specific situations), direction you want your life to go in, etc. etc.

8. Ideals

What you hold to be sacred or to be lived up to. Role models, ideals for a mate, for work, for the world. Who you look up to. Principles you live, or try to live your life by. Principles or ideals you picked up from others, observe in others, or react emotionally to. Your heroes, your goats, your demons, your gods. Your mentors, your parents ("super-ego.") Your teachers, your gurus, your pastor, the pope, the devil, all universal or highly generalized statements purporting to be truth (like "the war in Vietnam is to save the Vietnamese people.") Could include "good advice" you've received from others, experiences you savor or treasure because they mean alot to you, how you want to be treated, how you expect to be treated, what you go by in how you treat others, how you want to be thought of,  "should's" and "shouldn't's,"  who you look up to, who you look to for advice or counsel, who you think of when you are in a tight spot, who you model yourself after or try to act like, sacred texts you go by, credos, books or ideas you hold sacred or hold in high esteem, what you would give your life for, etc., etc.

9. "Peak Experiences"

Experiences of sublimity, beauty that knocks you off your feet, love that melts your heart, religious, mystical, spiritual experiences, higher states of consciousness, enlightenment experiences, talking to God, speaking in tongues, trance-states, rapture, orgasm, nervous breakdown, psychotic breaks, going into the great beyond, drunkiness, trips, etc. etc.. Whatever is beyond the normal frame of experience for you.

10. Transcendental Qualities (Ultimates)

Goodness, Love, Beauty, Truth, Justice, Harmony,  Oneness, Wholeness, Wisdom, World (totality of existence) - universal qualities of life, i.e. ultimates.

(You will have your own unique specific experiences with each of these as well as ideas about them in general.)

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To continue, go back to the sub-section on Focus.